Fantasy

The more I drank, the more I fantasized everything.
I imagined getting even for hurts and rejections. In my mind’s eye
I played and replayed scenes in which I was plucked magically from the bar
where I stood nursing a drink and was instantly exalted
to some position of power and prestige. I lived in a dream world.
AA led me gently from this fantasizing to embrace reality with open arms.
And I found it beautiful! For, at last, I was at peace with myself.
And with others. And with God.
- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 559

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My life had long since lost any glimmer of hope…

There was a fantasy alright but it was in the past…All the things I truly believed I had done…The feats I had accomplished…The women I had conquered…All a pack of lies…When I first come into AA I carried this baggage with me…I began to spin all the old tales & then one day while reading the big book & the really Big Book I came across some scripture that said 6 things does the Lord detest…Murder,covetousness…etc…but the 7th is an abomination…ALL LIARS…This hit hard…I was trying to work the steps & I realized that if I were ever to find sobriety I would have to recount & make amends for all my lies…I immediately went to the people I could remember I had told my tales to & then said it out-loud in the meetings…I found peace on that level…I didn’t get sober for about another year but I was on the trail…Till next time…

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Dear friend of Bill W.,

Through A.A., we can experience freedom from self.
After all, it was self (you, me) that stood in our own
way, that ran the show and ran ourselves into
bankruptcy, that hurt the ones we loved. All Twelve
Steps of A.A. are designed to kill the old self
(deflate the old ego) and build a new free self.

from page 459 of the Big Book, 3rd edition

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First off let me apologize for not posting for awhile…

My computer crashed & it took 9 days to get it back from the shop…That was a few days ago but I have been trying to catch up with all the info I lost on the hard drive…

When today’s reading talks about the 12 steps killing the old self…For me that is so true…But my old self really needed killing…Besides being hell bent on my destruction thru pills & booze…I really hated…loathed myself…Through the steps I have learned not only to like myself…But to love myself as well…I was really able to look inside me on the 4th step & see my character defects…Then 5, 6 & 7 helped me to put those defects in God’s hands & be set free...The rest of the steps have helped me to grow as a person & to give back to my community…Till next time

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If you want peace and goodness in your life you must be kind and loving. Lord, may I avoid creating misery so that my life will reflect my love for You.

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Now that the New Year is underway…May I do everything in my power to be at peace with all men…May I have the peace & serenity that only God can give shine on me & the people I come in contact with Daily…Till next time

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