ENEMIES…

“The Bible tells us to love our neighbors and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.” — G. K. Chesterton

The spiritual program that I embrace makes me look to where I am, rather than where I want to be. I must live in the now, rather than the never-never-land of tomorrow.
To love my world I need to seek to understand those people who live in my world. To love my world involves an acceptance of those who are different from me. I must seek to build bridges, rather than barriers. It is so easy for me to talk about loving and being concerned for the starving millions and forgetting to love and relate to the typist in my office or the neighbor down the street.
I have some experience of people who can be difficult because I lived with the addicted me for many years; I am the key to my enemies.
Teach me to accept in love those who, for today, I do not like.

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I can very easily get caught up in telling others how to love their neighbor & forget to do it myself…When Jesus said love my neighbor he wasn’t just talking about the guy next door…But the jerk S.O.B. that just cut me off in traffic…That is where true love your neighbor comes into play…I need to remember that just because someone does something I don’t approve of doesn’t give me the right to not love them…Christ died for my sins 2000 years before I committed them…That’s how much He loves me…Till next time…

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Fantasy

The more I drank, the more I fantasized everything.
I imagined getting even for hurts and rejections. In my mind’s eye
I played and replayed scenes in which I was plucked magically from the bar
where I stood nursing a drink and was instantly exalted
to some position of power and prestige. I lived in a dream world.
AA led me gently from this fantasizing to embrace reality with open arms.
And I found it beautiful! For, at last, I was at peace with myself.
And with others. And with God.
- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 559

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My life had long since lost any glimmer of hope…

There was a fantasy alright but it was in the past…All the things I truly believed I had done…The feats I had accomplished…The women I had conquered…All a pack of lies…When I first come into AA I carried this baggage with me…I began to spin all the old tales & then one day while reading the big book & the really Big Book I came across some scripture that said 6 things does the Lord detest…Murder,covetousness…etc…but the 7th is an abomination…ALL LIARS…This hit hard…I was trying to work the steps & I realized that if I were ever to find sobriety I would have to recount & make amends for all my lies…I immediately went to the people I could remember I had told my tales to & then said it out-loud in the meetings…I found peace on that level…I didn’t get sober for about another year but I was on the trail…Till next time…

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Dear friend of Bill W.,

Through A.A., we can experience freedom from self.
After all, it was self (you, me) that stood in our own
way, that ran the show and ran ourselves into
bankruptcy, that hurt the ones we loved. All Twelve
Steps of A.A. are designed to kill the old self
(deflate the old ego) and build a new free self.

from page 459 of the Big Book, 3rd edition

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First off let me apologize for not posting for awhile…

My computer crashed & it took 9 days to get it back from the shop…That was a few days ago but I have been trying to catch up with all the info I lost on the hard drive…

When today’s reading talks about the 12 steps killing the old self…For me that is so true…But my old self really needed killing…Besides being hell bent on my destruction thru pills & booze…I really hated…loathed myself…Through the steps I have learned not only to like myself…But to love myself as well…I was really able to look inside me on the 4th step & see my character defects…Then 5, 6 & 7 helped me to put those defects in God’s hands & be set free...The rest of the steps have helped me to grow as a person & to give back to my community…Till next time

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The Treasure Of The Past

Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now. Cling to the thought that, in God’s hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have– the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them.

Alcoholics Anoymous,p.124
What a gift it is for me to realize that all those seemingly useless years were not wasted. The most degrading and humiliating experiences turn out to be the most powerful tools in helping others to recover. In knowing the depths of shame and despair, I can reach out with a loving and compassionate hand, and know that the grace of God is available to me.

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All the things I did in my past were the things I drank & drugged about…I had to keep them hidden from me & everyone else…But in sobriety I have learned that these very things are now my greatest assets…Each one represents personal experience that I can share with the next person…In my case there is Bi-Polar, Depression, Alcoholism, Drug Abuse, Criminal & a whole slew of relationship experience…These are tools that I can use to help someone…God got me thru each & everyone of them & now I know there is life after…Don’t be ashamed of where you have been…Put it to use…Till next time…

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Father Leo’s Daily Meditation

PROCRASTINATION

“You cannot build a reputationon things you are going to do.”
– Mabel Newcomber

Procrastination is the addicts’ game. I will give up alcohol tomorrow.
Soon I will take an inventory of my eating habits. Later I will talk to
him about my anger and pain. Tomorrow and tomorrow — but it
never happens!

The tragedy is that we not only bring pain and problems into our lives
but we keep them there. Recovery requires action; sobriety and the
spiritual program demand movement.

Today I will talk about my pain.

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I ask a lot of people if they know what happens to people who procrastinate…Nothing…I was & to a degree am still a horrible procrastinator…Why do today what I can put off till tomorrow…But AA & the 12 steps have really helped me deal with this problem…I found that when I started doing a consistent 10th step every night…no matter what…(I might interject here that sometimes I fall asleep while doing it & wake up in the morning with unrecognizable ink marks on the page) I discovered a discipline that has helped me in many different areas of my life…Procrastination being at the top of the list…Forcing myself to do my writing every night has been a great tool…Till next time…

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Keep It Simple

I’m always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.—Winston Churchill
We addicts are used to learning the hard way. Many of us think we’re different and can do things our own way. But then we get in too much trouble or pain. The first AA members were just like us. They knew how it is to hate being told what to do. So they suggested we follow the Twelve Steps. They didn’t say we have to do anything. They didn’t say working  the Steps is the only way to live sober. They just said the Steps worked for them. we’re finding out that the Steps work for us too. We don’t have to work them.
We don’t have to stay sober. We just like our new sober life better than our old drinking  or drugging life.
And we learned how to live this new life by working the Steps
Prayer for the Day: Higher Power, help me be open to your lessons. Teach me gently and help me listen.
Action for the Day: I will list five ways that I get in the way of my own learning.

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I generally don’t like learning…It usually has to do with pain…For it is seldom I learn much without pain…Until then I am unwilling to listen…I always say after a learning spree that next time I won’t wait so long but then yet again…I wait till I hurt…Theoretically I should know anytime bad times arrive that I have a learning opportunity but when I get there I do everything in my power to make it stop…I don’t generally make resolutions but my Goal for this year is to accept times of difficulty & try to learn as much as I can…Till next time…

Walk In Dry Places

Erasing Old Tapes___Living Today
The human brain works like a tape recorder. With great fidelity, this built-in recorder stores up old memories that are recalled at surprising times. There are two kinds of these “old tapes” that are dangerous to the recovering alcoholic.
One dangerous old tape is a bitter memory of an unkind word or cruel action that hurt us deeply. This kind of memory comes back to destroy our peace of mind or to intensify feelings of low self-esteem.
Equally dangerous is another old tape:  the recollections of a drinking experience that may have seem enjoyable.  When we run an old tape of this kind, we are revealing that we still wish we could drink.
Our recovery shows us how to erase these old tapes. Forgiving the people who hurt us can erase bitter memories and resentments. We can eliminate the desire to relive pleasure in drinking experiences by looking honestly at the total effect of alcohol on our lives. We cannot relive the past, but we can use the lessons of the past to make our lives what they can be today.
Today, I will not be troubled by anything from the past. I cannot change what happened five minutes ago, but I can refuse to entertain thoughts that will harm me.

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Those old tapes can definitely destroy me if let run free…I cannot risk thinking about bitter thoughts or romancing old drinking times…However that being said I understand today that I am unable to stand against these issues on my own…I have tried on my own behalf many times without success…But I have found someone who can defeat these problems for me if I will only ask…God…God is the one who fights my battles today & when I let him do so…I am victorious…I strongly suggest you give this a try…Till next time…Today we lost a valued member of AA…A dear friend of mine…Dick T…He was diagnosed with cancer in late December…Had surgery very recently & passed away around 9am…He died sober…A gift so few of us get…He will be sorely missed…

In our addiction, we didn’t care. We didn’t care about other people, even though we wanted to. We just didn’t come through for them in ways that mattered. We didn’t care for ourselves. We let bad things happen to us. We didn’t care about living. We set no goals, had no fun, smelled no flowers.
In our recovery, we do care. We care about others, ourselves, and life. Our spirits are on the move again.
There’s life in our hearts. Our bodies are getting well. And we’re daring to dream. We’re living!
Prayer for the Day:  Higher Power, put some life and energy into me today. Help me love my new life.
Action for the Day:  Today, I’ll focus on being alive. As I breathe in, I’ll gather more and more life energy from nature.

The only courage that matters
is the kind that gets you from
one moment to the next.
– Mignon McLaughlin

May I avoid the temptation to seek the fantasy of tomorrow for the reality of today.

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One of my most favorite passages in the Bible is “Don’t borrow trouble from tomorrow…Today has enough troubles of it’s own”

And that is the truth…There is no need to worry about tomorrow because we are not guaranteed we’ll even get there & no way to know what tomorrow will actually hold

If I live in today or actually this moment I have some idea of what I need to deal with…Problems in today need to be dealt with & if part of that needs to be put off till later then that is what you have to do & then attend to them when they come back up…Worry is a tool from the pits of Hell & that is the only place worry will get you…The 1st thing to do when you feel uncertain is to Pray…It is our best defense…Till next time…