A Sober Life » Blame

Fantasy

Kenney — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 12:05:20 +0000

Fantasy

The more I drank, the more I fantasized everything.
I imagined getting even for hurts and rejections. In my mind’s eye
I played and replayed scenes in which I was plucked magically from the bar
where I stood nursing a drink and was instantly exalted
to some position of power and prestige. I lived in a dream world.
AA led me gently from this fantasizing to embrace reality with open arms.
And I found it beautiful! For, at last, I was at peace with myself.
And with others. And with God.
- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 559

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My life had long since lost any glimmer of hope…

There was a fantasy alright but it was in the past…All the things I truly believed I had done…The feats I had accomplished…The women I had conquered…All a pack of lies…When I first come into AA I carried this baggage with me…I began to spin all the old tales & then one day while reading the big book & the really Big Book I came across some scripture that said 6 things does the Lord detest…Murder,covetousness…etc…but the 7th is an abomination…ALL LIARS…This hit hard…I was trying to work the steps & I realized that if I were ever to find sobriety I would have to recount & make amends for all my lies…I immediately went to the people I could remember I had told my tales to & then said it out-loud in the meetings…I found peace on that level…I didn’t get sober for about another year but I was on the trail…Till next time…

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A Daily Reflection

Kenney — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 12:38:29 +0000

The Treasure Of The Past

Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now. Cling to the thought that, in God’s hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have– the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them.

Alcoholics Anoymous,p.124
What a gift it is for me to realize that all those seemingly useless years were not wasted. The most degrading and humiliating experiences turn out to be the most powerful tools in helping others to recover. In knowing the depths of shame and despair, I can reach out with a loving and compassionate hand, and know that the grace of God is available to me.

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All the things I did in my past were the things I drank & drugged about…I had to keep them hidden from me & everyone else…But in sobriety I have learned that these very things are now my greatest assets…Each one represents personal experience that I can share with the next person…In my case there is Bi-Polar, Depression, Alcoholism, Drug Abuse, Criminal & a whole slew of relationship experience…These are tools that I can use to help someone…God got me thru each & everyone of them & now I know there is life after…Don’t be ashamed of where you have been…Put it to use…Till next time…

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Father Leo’s Daily Meditation TODAY

Kenney — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 12:56:59 +0000

The only courage that matters
is the kind that gets you from
one moment to the next.
– Mignon McLaughlin

I do not have to have courage for a lifetime, just for the moment. I am helped by the
philosophy that teaches me to live one day at a time, one hour at a time, one moment
at a time. It is too awesome to try to live my tomorrows today. Life is a process to be
lived not a future to be anticipated.

For years I tried to anticipate what life had to throw at me, and I always came away
confused, surprised and exhausted. I missed the joy of the moment by worrying about
the future. What was he going to do? What happens if the police get involved? Will
my mother telephone next week? Will my niece grow up to be alcoholic? Am I to
blame? I had a thousand questions that I could not answer; nobody can answer for the
future today.

I can only take responsibility for my life a day at a time. I developed the courage to
face the moment and I became a winner.

May I avoid the temptation to seek the fantasy of tomorrow for the reality of today.

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One of my most favorite passages in the Bible is “Don’t borrow trouble from tomorrow…Today has enough troubles of it’s own”

And that is the truth…There is no need to worry about tomorrow because we are not guaranteed we’ll even get there & no way to know what tomorrow will actually hold

If I live in today or actually this moment I have some idea of what I need to deal with…Problems in today need to be dealt with & if part of that needs to be put off till later then that is what you have to do & then attend to them when they come back up…Worry is a tool from the pits of Hell & that is the only place worry will get you…The 1st thing to do when you feel uncertain is to Pray…It is our best defense…Till next time…

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Daily Inspiration Forgive Yourself

Kenney — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 22:48:08 +0000

Do not waste any time disliking who you are because of something you can no longer do anything about. Lord, help me to forgive myself all shortcomings of the past that I still hold on to and rather make the very best of this moment.

We never really know how far reaching our influence will be. Lord, may Your loving kindness always flow through me.

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Keep It Simple

Kenney — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 22:21:33 +0000

And to practice these principles in all our affairs. Third part of Step Twelve.
This is a statement about us. We are now people of values. These values reflect our spiritual growth. We know how to help others. We know how to admit our wrongs.
We know how to look at ourselves and change our defects. We know how to live an honest life.
Step Twelve tells us. “Go use these tools for better living. Go be all you can be. Enjoy life and live a life you can be proud of.” Step Twelve also tells us about how to have loving relationships. By the time we complete Step Twelve, we make or regain many relationships. The most important one is with our Higher Power. As we grow in the program, we realize all our relationships are spiritual gifts.
Prayer for the Day: Higher Power, I now have one face instead of many masks. Help me be a person who will stand before You with pride, not shame.
Action for the Day: Today, I’ll talk with a friend and talk about my new values. I will talk about how much my life has changed.

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GOSSIP

Kenney — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 12:27:43 +0000

Great minds discuss ideas,
average minds discuss wants,
small minds discuss people.
– Laurence J. Peter

Gossip is ultimately a form of malicious cowardice. It is a “blasphemy” because it
seeks to denigrate the human being that God has made in His image.

As a practicing alcoholic I was a gossip. I exaggerated and manipulated the truth with
my gossip. I made up stories against those people I had a resentment towards;
innocent people were abused and victimized by my gossip.

Also I loved listening to gossip. The listener plays an important role in the life of
“gossip” because without the listener it could not exist. It takes two to gossip!

Today gossip is unacceptable behavior in my program.

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I think all alkie’s are gossips…It has to do with the way we feel about ourselves…I know for me I had such a poor image of myself that I had to use gossip to make me feel better…If I could run you down & lift me up, then that is what I would do…Gossip is such evil tool but it is misunderstood…I always heard that if you would say what you were saying about the person to the person, then it was OK…But the fact of the matter is if you are talking about the person behind their back then it is gossip…Today I feel much better about myself & I don’t need to run you down anymore…In fact I spend a lot of my time building up others…I try to because I would want people to do that for me…I still believe in the Golden Rule…Do unto other like you would have them do unto you…Gossip Hurts…Don’t be one

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Father Leo’s Daily Meditation FATE

Kenney — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 09:50:13 +0000

I am the master of my fate; I
am the captain of my soul.
– William E. Henley

Things do not just happen, we make them happen. For years I thought that my getting
well was dependent upon my family getting well. I rooted my recovery in the recovery
of others. I was the typical co-dependent.

Then somebody said, “Why don’t you start taking responsibility for your own life?” I
thought about that remark for weeks. I spent nights dwelling on the implications of
those words. I am sure that I had heard similar sentiments a hundred times but that
night, that special night, I was ready to hear them. A spiritual moment.

Today I believe that such spiritual moments produce a spiritual process that I must
keep alive. I am the deciding factor in what happens to me and what I can achieve.
God has created me to be involved in my recovery.

May I always steer my life in the direction of truth and love.

***********************************************************

“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the
body is weak.”
Matthew 26:41

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Galatians 5:22-23

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For the majority of my life I held my parents responsible for my condition…I said it was due to my childhood the way I had turned out…Then in my 40′s I started to say…How long can a person blame their conditions of their parents & I tried to make out that I had healed…but the trouble was I still was sick…I was drunk constantly or I was a very bitter dry drunk…After hitting my final bottom & starting to work the program of Alcoholics Anonymous I found out in my 4th step that I STILL held my parents responsible & I had great resentments about that…With the 5th step I was able to admit my responsibility & go about the things I needed for change…I asked god to take away my defects & then I made amends to my parents…FREEDOM…Freedom came with those actions & my soul was a peace…Today I continually work the steps trying to ever grow & become more grateful & helpful
Are you working the program of Alcoholics Anonymous…Meetings…Sponsor…The steps…& lastly but most importantly have you found your Higher Power…This is the way to freedom & serenity…Please leave me a comment about where you are in your sobriety…

Technorati Tags: Responsibility, recovery, Sobriety, AA, The steps

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As Bill Sees It – To Grow Up

Kenney — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 17:38:56 +0000

Those adolescent urges that so many of us have for complete approval,
utter security, and perfect romance–urges quite appropriate to age
seventeen–prove to be an impossible way of life at forty-seven or
fifty-seven.

Since A.A. began, I’ve taken huge wallops in all these areas because of
my failure to grow up, emotionally and spiritually.

<< << << >> >> >>

As we grow spiritually, we find that our old attitudes toward instinctual
drives need to undergo drastic revisions. Our demands for emotional
security and wealth, for personal prestige and power all have to be
tempered and redirected.

We learn that the full satisfaction of these demands cannot be the sole
end and aim of our lives. We cannot place the cart before the horse, or
we shall be pulled backward into disillusionment. But when we are
willing to place spiritual growth first–then and only then do we have a
real chance to grow in healthy awareness and mature love.

1. Grapevine, January 1958
2. 12 & 12, p. 114

****************************************************************************

My life in my disease was all about accomplishments…I needed all the

fame & riches that life had to offer…And if I didn’t get them I would be a total

failure…Needless to say these THINGS eluded me for all my years & I tried to

drown my shame with a bottle…Today things are way different…I still do not

have all the riches & fame but today I am content with my life & surroundings

AA has taught me serenity…Today I love myself & no longer need to validate

myself with THINGS…My Higher Power has taught me to be at peace in the world

& for that I am eternally grateful…

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Father Leo’s Daily Meditation YESTERDAYS

Kenney — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 12:29:08 +0000

“When I want to understand
what is happening today or try
to decide what will happen
tomorrow, I look back.”
– Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

The writing is on the wall! My writing is on my wall and it is to be found in my life.
My history of my life teaches me about my alcoholism. Alcoholism is a personal
disease; it affects others through self.

Sometimes I am tempted to forget the past. Why live in yesterday? Because the
events of my yesterdays affect my today. The future is forged from the recognition of
my past. My disease grew strong in my denial. My recovery began with the acceptance
of reality my reality.

Today does not exist in a vacuum and my tomorrows are determined by the decisions I
make today. I also know and believe that my recovering life demands a true
recognition of my yesterdays.

Thank You for the historical progressiveness of my recovery.

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He who guards his mouth preserves his life, but he who opens wide his lips shall have
destruction.
Proverbs 13:3

“This is the day the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it.”
Psalm 118:24

Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do:
Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal
to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:13-14

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due
time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
1 Peter 5:6-7
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When I look back on my life I realize that all the things I Should-Have-Done or Ought-to-Have-Done kept me paralyzed…I lived in constant regret…This set me up for my today which I greatly dreaded because of my experience with yesterday…& of course put me in Great Fear of Tomorrow…

I now know that Should & Ought to statements are deadly for me…They imply blame & guilt…I try not to use them in my conversations or thoughts…When something is to be done the language I use is Need or Will…I Need to do this or I Will do that…It keeps things in the present tense…

Please share with me your thoughts on this subject as I can always use new input…Thanx

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